what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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