My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
