The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
