She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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