Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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