I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
