omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize