On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
