I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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