Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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