I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
