1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
