After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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