the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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