i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
