I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
