The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
