now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Randomize
