Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
