grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
