Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
