I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
