so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
