Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
