Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
