waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
The feeling are messing with the penis
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize