i may or may not be watching the land before time
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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