i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
