Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Randomize
