I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
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