I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
