I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
God I need to hump something, right now.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
