I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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