He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize