So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
