I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
