ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize
