Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
