I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
