I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
