margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Randomize
