i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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