Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
