glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
