My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
