I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
My life is pants optional.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
