turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Randomize
