3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
