I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
