quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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