He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
