you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
