i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
