Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize