Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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