VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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