Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
