So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Randomize
