I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
