that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
