Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
