So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
