My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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