I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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