I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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