just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize