Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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