No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
