How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Randomize
