I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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