remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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