Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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