Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
