FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
