all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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