Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
