My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Randomize