the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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