she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
