This girl is more easily done than said...
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
