Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
