its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
