just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
