Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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