The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
