I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
