Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Randomize
