is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
PANTIES FOUND
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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