my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
