Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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