You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
There are leaves in my underwear?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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