I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
