is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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