I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Randomize
