my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize