Please, let me fuck your mom
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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