What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
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