It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
