And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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