i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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