i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
