Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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