Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
