i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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