I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize